“you cannot possibly live without the fear of dying”.

this came from a conversation i was having with a friend the other night… and i do not believe it could ring any more true. i have heard that the average person lives to be around 77 years old. if that is truly the case… the average person has around 28,105 days. 28,105 days to live… to love… to make mistakes… to learn from them… to fall.. to rise… and to figure out a way to deal with the inevitably of one day not being able to walk the streets that currently surround us. is this scary? of course it is. at least to me. i, for one, do not want to die. some people have faith and some people don’t.. but no matter what you believe in… the cold hard fact is that one day (no one knows when) things will drastically change for you and at an exact moment you will be thrown upon some sort of world of difference. franklin d. roosevelt once famously said, “the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” well, mr. roosevelt… with all due respect, i would have to disagree. i have a lot to be afraid of… but i am not afraid of it. not a bit… and nor should i be. every day i am faced with some sort of fear. the fear of losing someone i love. the fear of making a wrong decision. the fear of hurting someone close to me. but after many moments of clarity i have realized that these fears are some of the most beautifully things to happen to me. “beautifully heavy” as i call them. they weigh me down every day… but what happens when you constantly are pushing against weight? yes. you get stronger. you are building strength, slowly but surely. the fact that i am afraid to die compels me to live. if i had a handful of infinite time and a pocketful of never-ending days…what would be my motivation? what would that do for me? time is both my enemy and my best friend. if i there wasn’t the slightest chance of me dying.. what would i be afraid of? skydivers would feel nothing. the butterflies in their stomach would simply lose their wings. what would there be to fight for? would there be love? how CAN there be love with no fear? isn’t that what makes love special? the jump. the fall. the not knowing what comes next? isn’t that what makes it feel so damn good? when it all works out and you know that pushing through that fear was worth every teardrop that had ever previously hit the floor? no one wants to believe that one day they will just be a statistic… or a number. so we spend our lives trying to BE someone. we become writers, painters, role models, friends, parents, teachers, soldiers… so that we leave our unique fingerprint and indention on the world and sky around us. we all are somebody whether we know it or not. we all have our little niche in this world to make it exactly how it is. take one person our of the picture and the world is a complete different place. everything matters… yet nothing matters at all. this is YOUR story. go fall in love. fly a kite. take pictures of the beautiful world around you. go to the beach just to feel the sand beneath your toes. make friends and memories. smile… because it’s okay to be scared.. we all are at times. but just know that living and being yourself is making a difference. it all has an effect on something or someone. without the feeling of weakness… you would never know the power and glory of strength. without the feeling of loss… we would never know the feeling of gain. i wouldn’t give up my fear for anything in this world. it is mine and i hold it close. it makes me appreciate the details. the threads in the fabric. the wind sifting through my eyelashes. the laugh of my little sister. the percussion of a rainy day. it’s okay to be afraid of dying… as long as you aren’t afraid to live. go fall in love… fall down… they both are of equal importance and magnitude. trust me. the thing you should be the most afraid of… is not being afraid.

-alexander michael