“what is a poet? a poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music… and men crowd about the poet and say to him: “sing for us soon again”; that is as much to say: “may new sufferings torment your soul.”
-kierkegaard
“you cannot possibly live without the fear of dying”.
this came from a conversation i was having with a friend the other night… and i do not believe it could ring any more true. i have heard that the average person lives to be around 77 years old. if that is truly the case… the average person has around 28,105 days. 28,105 days to live… to love… to make mistakes… to learn from them… to fall.. to rise… and to figure out a way to deal with the inevitably of one day not being able to walk the streets that currently surround us. is this scary? of course it is. at least to me. i, for one, do not want to die. some people have faith and some people don’t.. but no matter what you believe in… the cold hard fact is that one day (no one knows when) things will drastically change for you and at an exact moment you will be thrown upon some sort of world of difference. franklin d. roosevelt once famously said, “the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” well, mr. roosevelt… with all due respect, i would have to disagree. i have a lot to be afraid of… but i am not afraid of it. not a bit… and nor should i be. every day i am faced with some sort of fear. the fear of losing someone i love. the fear of making a wrong decision. the fear of hurting someone close to me. but after many moments of clarity i have realized that these fears are some of the most beautifully things to happen to me. “beautifully heavy” as i call them. they weigh me down every day… but what happens when you constantly are pushing against weight? yes. you get stronger. you are building strength, slowly but surely. the fact that i am afraid to die compels me to live. if i had a handful of infinite time and a pocketful of never-ending days…what would be my motivation? what would that do for me? time is both my enemy and my best friend. if i there wasn’t the slightest chance of me dying.. what would i be afraid of? skydivers would feel nothing. the butterflies in their stomach would simply lose their wings. what would there be to fight for? would there be love? how CAN there be love with no fear? isn’t that what makes love special? the jump. the fall. the not knowing what comes next? isn’t that what makes it feel so damn good? when it all works out and you know that pushing through that fear was worth every teardrop that had ever previously hit the floor? no one wants to believe that one day they will just be a statistic… or a number. so we spend our lives trying to BE someone. we become writers, painters, role models, friends, parents, teachers, soldiers… so that we leave our unique fingerprint and indention on the world and sky around us. we all are somebody whether we know it or not. we all have our little niche in this world to make it exactly how it is. take one person our of the picture and the world is a complete different place. everything matters… yet nothing matters at all. this is YOUR story. go fall in love. fly a kite. take pictures of the beautiful world around you. go to the beach just to feel the sand beneath your toes. make friends and memories. smile… because it’s okay to be scared.. we all are at times. but just know that living and being yourself is making a difference. it all has an effect on something or someone. without the feeling of weakness… you would never know the power and glory of strength. without the feeling of loss… we would never know the feeling of gain. i wouldn’t give up my fear for anything in this world. it is mine and i hold it close. it makes me appreciate the details. the threads in the fabric. the wind sifting through my eyelashes. the laugh of my little sister. the percussion of a rainy day. it’s okay to be afraid of dying… as long as you aren’t afraid to live. go fall in love… fall down… they both are of equal importance and magnitude. trust me. the thing you should be the most afraid of… is not being afraid.
-alexander michael
music.
i have been thinking about the heavy irony found inside songs and music itself. music is not just a sound, nor a melody. it is not just something produced from the hands and mouths of us beings. it is something much more magical and widespread than that. like it or not… we are all engulfed. music has swallowed the entire human race whole. it is the one thing we all have in common. through war, through peace, and whatever niches are found in between… it is far more encompassing than even I can truly comprehend. music is a chameleon. changing colors and identities. following what it needs to and lending itself to any precise or given moment… yet deep down always remaining the same at it’s organic base. music is created by us… yet music can, in return, create us as well. it can change how we look at the world. it can help mold and shape us as people and gorgeously reckless minds. we are all true testaments of that. what an insane and beautiful cycle that will never end. in many ways we create and live off of each other. this symbiotic relationship is what keeps the worlds of many spinning. let’s look at all that music can do. I’ve seen it take more shapes, forms, and dimensions than i could ever find the time to count. music can be a blanket. when your bones are shaking and teeth are chattering… you can lay it over you for warmth. when you feel like your sky is cracking and the entire world is running from as you are drowning music can save your life. we have all experienced it. the song that makes you believe again. that makes you believe that your night that has lasted weeks or months will and can be pleasantly interrupted by an audible beam of sunlight. music can be your hero… your life vest… your savior. however…music can also be the flames of hell. it can be a painful reminder of all of the things you did or didn’t do. it can yank the past out of the ground and back from the dead and seat it right next to you as it whispers the cold truth into your ear through your speakers or headphones. music can be our ghosts that will forever haunt us. the ghosts, regrets, and mistakes that seem closer to us at times than our dearest of friends. music can be a knife to the back, a slap to the face, a stream of tears down your cheek. but also the feeling of rebirth, growth, and liberation. songs can make you want to fall in love, smile, and feel like you’re flying all at once. the unmatched beauty of it can make you love, hate, dance, sleep, believe, miss, hope, and feel practically any other possible feeling one can possibly feel. these feelings such as life, love, and pain are all necessities of not just life… but the proof of it. music can be your fantasy. the land and lives you’ve always dreamed of living through. the people you search for and the places you hope to one day feel underneath your feet. incredible how something can be your reality and fantasy all at the same time, right? music has been my sunshine, my mars, and at times my one and only friend. music is ironically both the medicine and the pain… both the loss and the gain. music has broken me down… made me feel both strong and weak at the same thing… woken me up… put me to sleep for days. you see… music seems to do and be everything and anything except just music itself. music is never just music. to exist… it simply cannot be. music would have never survived as just music. in order for the songs to live on… they have to take on a life of their own… whether for the better or for the worse. ironic how something so simple, yet intricate can be so many things to so many people… yet can simply be too busy and carry too much weight to have the time or energy to simply just be itself.
-alexander
just found this. wow. really letting you guys in on this one. she really was amazing. it just never made it into her hands or eyes. not sure why. hope to find this again soon… here is a piece of it (and me):
“last night… i wasn’t just running my fingers through your hair… I was running my fingers through strands of proof. proof of life. of living. of living in the name of captivation. as you are my reason and excuse for both. every breath you take is another reason for me to fight. i blink less when i’m around you. my eyelids are in a constant battle with what’s underneath as i cannot stop sending you examples of pure admiration. every millisecond spent closing my eyes during a blink is one millisecond wasted as i could have spent them directing them towards you. do i love you? i’m not sure. it is possible. if I do… it is by far just a fraction of what truly goes through whatever is beneath my skin and skull. i’m not sure the word “love” truly wraps itself around the speed of my heart when you laugh or leave a lipstick stain on my forehead. words are invented constantly and I do not believe i have found one that is quite worth your name or the feelings you provoke. I guess I’ll keep searching…but for now… i guess love will have to do. because with you… the world doesn’t spin… it dances. it’s remarkable to watch. sometimes i just like to sit back in a dark corner and watch. not only watch you… but to watch how much more beautiful the world gets when it’s around you. it’s amazing how much light can be seen from a dark corner. the leaves don’t fall to the ground… the ground rises to them. the night isn’t a dark sky with stars… it’s a golden glow with dark spaces in between. you are not only the need to breathe… but the want to breathe. the absolute craving for more time… yes, i know one day my heart will stop…. but my love for you will not. so just know that as long as the world is dancing… whether i’m walking next to you in it or not… you are being held. constantly. unconditionally. endlessly.”
-alexander michael
“superhero”
when i was a little boy,
i wanted to fly.
wanted to look down at this city,
with my back pressed against the sky.
when i was a little boy,
i wore a cape,
in hopes that someday i would save the world
and that you all would know my name.
but the years they passed, and still i felt so small…
didn’t have a dollar to my name, no i never grew too tall.
i had no “s” across my chest and i never learned to fight…
but that’s alright, yeah that’s alright
because maybe the human heart is just as strong as steel,
maybe a superpower is not to fly, but just the ability to feel.
capes may tear and armor rusts,
they’ll never be as strong as love.
i guess after years of trying to fly, only to fall…
maybe that little boy can still be a superhero afterall.
-alexander michael deleon
may your knuckles be as red as roses,
may blue always be your skies.
and even when your hair turns to gray,
may your flag never be white.
may you always see the color,
even in the dark of night.
yeah, if this life is just a canvas…
watch me paint it with my eyes.
-alexander michael deleon
important note on the pre-orders and hand written lyrics…
I know a lot of you are wondering where your pre-orders are and why it’s taking so long. let me explain. for those of you who bought the packages with handwritten lyrics, it’s going to take some extra time. here’s the thing.. when I say that i am handwriting lyrics… I am handwriting them. I’m not having my friends write them out and saying it was me.. I’m not typing them up and signing my name at the bottom. every single lyric sheet was written by me. every letter. every word. some have ink smudges… some contain errors… it is just like I wrote words for you right out of my own journal. you guys deserve that from me. saying that… it takes a while. each sheet takes about 15 to 20 minutes. multiply that by the hundreds of pre orders and you hopefully can understand that it takes time. especially when a lot of my day also goes to spending time with the fans at shows and taking pictures.. thanking them… etc. I promise you will get your pre-orders. we have a already sent a bunch out and as I write and finish more I will continue to do so. I owe this to you guys and promise I’m working as fast as I can without sacrificing what you guys deserve out of your order. I love you guys so much. thank you for how hard you guys have fought for us and for the support of the new record. our fans are the loves of my life. take care and hope to see you all soon!
-alexander michael
p.s. if you pre ordered and are waiting on the album… know that you can still download our digital version of the album on our site at anytime!
this picture is proof that i’ve waited for this day my entire life. FIVE DAYS. symphony soldier. 8/23/11
as people, we are born empty skies.
be the child that never grows up.
be the sun that never sets.
be the eyes that never close.
be the song that never ends.
-amd