excerpt from a book that i have been writing. sorry if it is slightly controversial and if the grammar is bad at the moment. just an informal collection of ideas right now.
"i am sick and tired of watching people put all of their stock in angels that they hope will come later. so many of us are impatiently waiting for angels to come when we die and for them to carry us peacefully into eternal light. i’m all for that idea.. but i believe that more often than not.. it blinds us of the angels that exist in the NOW. sure.. i am guilty of throwing pennies in wells in case i need friends in hell.. but why do so many people place so many nets under each and every cliff in life? they want to experience the view but don’t want to be prepared to feel the fall. isn’t the possibility of the fall what makes it grand? isn’t the inevitability of death what drives us to feel alive? playing it safe is truly the most dangerous way to live. crazy how little of the population sees that the evils in life can be the best church. that your sins can be a sermon.. and the lack of sanity itself can be the very cathedral they have been waiting for but are ironically already standing in. and angels? people pray to them and god as if they only exist in the latter pages. or as if they can only be found when the book is finished being read. can’t they see that there are angels here and now? they are all around us. are the halos not bright enough for them? do they feel as if they have not yet been saved? the greatest angels aren’t perfect and the highest heaven isn’t pure. my angels have chips in their halos… my angels have tears in their wings.. scraped knees and holes in their jeans. my angels are broken like me.. sad like me.. but also fighters like me. perfection isn’t what determines if light exists. all is created by light in some way. after all.. light creates shadows. darkness is the absence of light. if you leave this life looking pretty… you didn’t do it right. scars are the souvenirs and unlike most theme parks.. the exit is not found through the gift shop. you can’t buy them at the end of the ride. why don’t more believe in that religion? the religion of here and now? the religion of seeing god in the eyes and heartbeat of a fellow broken, yet beautiful being? the religion of finding nirvana in a place here on earth that captures both our breath and imagination? we spend so much time pleading for angels that we don’t take the time to ask ourselves what angels truly are. we fail to see that both the gowns of white and the horns of night can be found in the very mirrors we vainly live by. demons? yes.. them too. i’m not running from them. they can come along for the ride. because i see myself in those as well. angels are just demons that got second chances… and demons are just angels who weren’t ready to say goodbye. we are all saints by day and sinners by night. it’s what makes us human. that’s what makes it right. why can’t the world we live in be good enough? why do we have to count on places outside of our reach? if you want heaven and hell so badly i say love like heaven and live like hell. THAT is a religion. THAT is something that i am willing to put my time and faith in. religion is not somebody else’s book.. it is not somebody else’s story… it is your own. if you want a bible… write it. believe in belief, have faith in faith itself, and learn to feel love towards love. i live by this and most importantly live FOR this. hell.. believe in whatever movement, god, or idea that you wish to.. but never believe in anything more than you believe in yourself."