SYMPHONY SOLDIER

the blog of alexander michael deleon
love. the ultimate journey. the ultimate consequence.

people spend all of their forevers trying to find love. we break open our piggybanks.. we paint masks… we become top notch conmen. we keep aces up our sleeves and the sheep out of our dreams in hope to find the final treasure.. the light at the end of a tunnel.. the pot of gold. ironically.. we don’t yet know who we are conning or stealing from until it’s too late.. because in the end.. we are conning ourselves. as people.. for whatever reason, we are wired to steal from ourselves. to live within the thoughts that we aren’t good enough.. that we have to fit certain molds with the expectations and weights of multiple worlds telling us we have to find love (and to keep it) to live a life of value and worth. we are rabbits chasing a carrot dangling from a string. riding carousels tricking ourselves into believing that we sit upon majestic stallions on our way to a promised land of gold and eternity. we spend our entire lives chasing these crowns. we pick up gems along the way, sliding them into our pockets with sheepish grins, being too greedy to share or to allow them to see the light of the day. they become hidden mischievous paper weights reminding us that even when we find items of worth.. we will always want more. after all.. isn’t that in our nature? to want MORE. because sand isn’t as grand as a pebble.. which will never be as prized as a stone… which only dreams of being as mighty as a mountain. what we fail to realize is that the more we strain our bodies traveling to find these crowns.. to find love.. the more we turn ourselves into walking palms across it’s very face. contradictions of the very sermon we intend to preach. we need to stop hiding behind our own eyelids. i have found that the crown can be the ground that our starving feet stand and dance upon. life isn’t always love. it is the journey TO love. the pain? that’s a gem. the disappointment? another one. life is a journey.. and in turn becomes the destination all at the same time. you already have what you are looking for. it was found before you ever started searching for it. if you are walking and living in a world that you have yet to understand.. then the battle is won. understanding is a hand that i hope my mind never shakes. we should enjoy living in wonder. we should enjoy feeling small. instead of putting the gems in your pocket, upset that they all individually are much smaller than you had hoped to find.. gather the gems and align them within the gold that can be found within you flowing through your veins and allow them to form a crown. wear it upon your head like a sky. love does not shape who you are.. because love is actually not knowing who you are. we create IT’S meaning.. not the other way around. love is finding and running into people and places that make you redefine it’s very being. love is the journey itself. this why i live with such wanderlust. i thank the universe constantly for fairy tales.. for the mountains we’ll never climb.. for the stars we’ll never see… because maybe love isn’t found at the end of the road… maybe it can be found along the way… maybe love is the road itself. 

-alexander michael deleon

love. the ultimate journey. the ultimate consequence.

people spend all of their forevers trying to find love. we break open our piggybanks.. we paint masks… we become top notch conmen. we keep aces up our sleeves and the sheep out of our dreams in hope to find the final treasure.. the light at the end of a tunnel.. the pot of gold. ironically.. we don’t yet know who we are conning or stealing from until it’s too late.. because in the end.. we are conning ourselves. as people.. for whatever reason, we are wired to steal from ourselves. to live within the thoughts that we aren’t good enough.. that we have to fit certain molds with the expectations and weights of multiple worlds telling us we have to find love (and to keep it) to live a life of value and worth. we are rabbits chasing a carrot dangling from a string. riding carousels tricking ourselves into believing that we sit upon majestic stallions on our way to a promised land of gold and eternity. we spend our entire lives chasing these crowns. we pick up gems along the way, sliding them into our pockets with sheepish grins, being too greedy to share or to allow them to see the light of the day. they become hidden mischievous paper weights reminding us that even when we find items of worth.. we will always want more. after all.. isn’t that in our nature? to want MORE. because sand isn’t as grand as a pebble.. which will never be as prized as a stone… which only dreams of being as mighty as a mountain. what we fail to realize is that the more we strain our bodies traveling to find these crowns.. to find love.. the more we turn ourselves into walking palms across it’s very face. contradictions of the very sermon we intend to preach. we need to stop hiding behind our own eyelids. i have found that the crown can be the ground that our starving feet stand and dance upon. life isn’t always love. it is the journey TO love. the pain? that’s a gem. the disappointment? another one. life is a journey.. and in turn becomes the destination all at the same time. you already have what you are looking for. it was found before you ever started searching for it. if you are walking and living in a world that you have yet to understand.. then the battle is won. understanding is a hand that i hope my mind never shakes. we should enjoy living in wonder. we should enjoy feeling small. instead of putting the gems in your pocket, upset that they all individually are much smaller than you had hoped to find.. gather the gems and align them within the gold that can be found within you flowing through your veins and allow them to form a crown. wear it upon your head like a sky. love does not shape who you are.. because love is actually not knowing who you are. we create IT’S meaning.. not the other way around. love is finding and running into people and places that make you redefine it’s very being. love is the journey itself. this why i live with such wanderlust. i thank the universe constantly for fairy tales.. for the mountains we’ll never climb.. for the stars we’ll never see… because maybe love isn’t found at the end of the road… maybe it can be found along the way… maybe love is the road itself. 

-alexander michael deleon

i never believed in angels…
because i had never felt their wings.


i never believed in paradise…
because i had never held the key.


i never believed in mirrors…
because i hated what i’d see.


i never believed in love…
because it never believed in me.


until you.

-alexander michael deleon

i never believed in angels…

because i had never felt their wings.

i never believed in paradise…

because i had never held the key.

i never believed in mirrors…

because i hated what i’d see.

i never believed in love…

because it never believed in me.

until you.

-alexander michael deleon

THESE ARE THE LIES

i don’t love you, i don’t need you

i don’t ever want to see you again

i have moved on, and things are perfect

i’m okay with us just being friends.

cuz i don’t think about you, every single night i am fine without you

  i sleep tight when i’m not beside you.

i’m moving on, moving on

no, i don’t cry about you, no those ain’t tears in my eyes about you

gonna be fine if i die without you

i’m moving on, moving

these are the lies

that i tell myself at night

these are the lies

that are keeping me alive.

cuz the truth is i’m in pieces

my heart may not survive

i tell myself i’m fine. 

i know i’ll be alright…

these are the lies.

-alexander

life is cruel. truth, it bends. 

music is my only friend.

hearts they break. love pretends.

music is my only friend. 

winter comes. summer ends. 

music is my only friend.

don’t feel bad. i’m content.

music is my only friend.


-amd

life is cruel. truth, it bends. 

music is my only friend.

hearts they break. love pretends.

music is my only friend. 

winter comes. summer ends. 

music is my only friend.

don’t feel bad. i’m content.

music is my only friend.

-amd

don’t be afraid to grow old

when wrinkles paint your skin… i’ll admire every inch… yes, i’ll hold you from within… though versus time we never win… i will love you while we live.

when your hair is turning gray… i will remind you every day… that seasons, they will change… but through december i will stay… and be your march, april, may.

when you’re far too old to dance… even if i can barely stand… i’ll find the strength to grab your hand… i’ll pick you up, love, if i can… and spin you slowly to the band.

when your body’s feeling weak… and your lips can barely speak… my knees will still be weak… from the loveliness i see… you’ll still be my beauty queen.

when you’re missing all of your youth… i will take off both your shoes… kiss you like young lovers do… hold you tight under the moon… and make you feel like you’re brand new.

when you think that life is done… i will love you like i’m young… like the day has just begun… with no clouds to block the sun… i’ll show you that there’s no need to run.

when you’re crying from the pain… i’ll kiss your head and lay… i’ll cry too so you’re not ashamed  …while singing songs we used to play… when we were young and on our way.

when you’re too afraid to die… i will lay down by your side… as i look into your eyes… tell you we’re never too old to fly… when you sail to the other side… i’m prepared to be your kite. 

-alexander michael



what does it take to fall apart? i’ve shipped off pieces of my broken heart. for being lonely is a lost art… and i’m van gogh painting my own stars.


what does it take to runaway? tears roll fast like a runaway train. you pack the bags and i’ll pack the pain. head to the tracks i won’t feel a thing.


what does it take to lose control? i have lived so fast just to die real slow. played with fire yet it still felt cold. put a smile on… call it fool’s gold.


what does it take to save a life? i send wishes up to satellites. writing letters to the better times. signing “won’t give up without a fight”.

-amd

what does it take to fall apart? i’ve shipped off pieces of my broken heart. for being lonely is a lost art… and i’m van gogh painting my own stars.

what does it take to runaway? tears roll fast like a runaway train. you pack the bags and i’ll pack the pain. head to the tracks i won’t feel a thing.

what does it take to lose control? i have lived so fast just to die real slow. played with fire yet it still felt cold. put a smile on… call it fool’s gold.

what does it take to save a life? i send wishes up to satellites. writing letters to the better times. signing “won’t give up without a fight”.

-amd




love is life and life is pain. it’s all one in the same. you grow tall just to fall and are born just to crawl until someone finds warmth in your name. if the way to die is through a tale of time then please send me on my way. for kingdom come and the wars that i’ve won were just steps to my cheek on your face. stars they shine if not just to remind that to be close is to be far away. so the more that we reach is the more that we see that heaven is not just a place. a hand is a hand to a fool in a land where love does not apply. for what poor skin if it fails to begin to let out what’s been hiding inside. like a light in the night, i still reach for the bright in the form of your soul next to mine. so why would i lie you are far too divine for this love to be close to blind. some kiss to feel missed like a wish towards bliss while others may kiss just to play. but your lips take a trip to the gold in my ribs when i meet them with all of my pain. the roads that i take like the faith that i taste they will always lead straight to you. for if love is life and life is pain then to my chest i will beg you to shoot. 

-alexander michael

love is life and life is pain. it’s all one in the same. you grow tall just to fall and are born just to crawl until someone finds warmth in your name. if the way to die is through a tale of time then please send me on my way. for kingdom come and the wars that i’ve won were just steps to my cheek on your face. stars they shine if not just to remind that to be close is to be far away. so the more that we reach is the more that we see that heaven is not just a place. a hand is a hand to a fool in a land where love does not apply. for what poor skin if it fails to begin to let out what’s been hiding inside. like a light in the night, i still reach for the bright in the form of your soul next to mine. so why would i lie you are far too divine for this love to be close to blind. some kiss to feel missed like a wish towards bliss while others may kiss just to play. but your lips take a trip to the gold in my ribs when i meet them with all of my pain. the roads that i take like the faith that i taste they will always lead straight to you. for if love is life and life is pain then to my chest i will beg you to shoot. 

-alexander michael

i love you.
i love you means that i’ll always love you. that i loved you then. that i love you now. that i will love you after. i love you means i loved you before the word was defined. since before life existed. it means that i will love you even when earth is just stardust scattering across infinite space. i love you means you are felt and not just heard. that you exist both behind my eyes and inside my chest. i love you means that i love who you are, who you will be, and who you have been. it means that i love what you do and what you say.  i love you means that your scars and your triumphs are both one in the same. i love you means wrinkles and grey are just the same as porcelain and brown. i love you means i love me. because you are apart of me and i love everywhere and everything that you are. i love you means leaving the world around us in our crossfire. i love you means that we may burn… but that we would rather burn than to live without knowing what it feels like to be ignited. i love you means i won’t let go… that i was holding on before i knew exactly what i was holding on to. i love you means i am prepared to free fall… but never prepared to land. i love you means i will never intentionally inflict pain upon you… but if for some reason i ever do.. i will hurt with you until it is gone. i love you means there will be no one else. i love you means that there never was. i love you means a moment. i love you means a lifetime. i love you isn’t just three simple words… it’s every word i’ve spoken since your eyes met mine. 
 i love you.
-alexander michael deleon

i love you.

i love you means that i’ll always love you. that i loved you then. that i love you now. that i will love you after. i love you means i loved you before the word was defined. since before life existed. it means that i will love you even when earth is just stardust scattering across infinite space. i love you means you are felt and not just heard. that you exist both behind my eyes and inside my chest. i love you means that i love who you are, who you will be, and who you have been. it means that i love what you do and what you say.  i love you means that your scars and your triumphs are both one in the same. i love you means wrinkles and grey are just the same as porcelain and brown. i love you means i love me. because you are apart of me and i love everywhere and everything that you are. i love you means leaving the world around us in our crossfire. i love you means that we may burn… but that we would rather burn than to live without knowing what it feels like to be ignited. i love you means i won’t let go… that i was holding on before i knew exactly what i was holding on to. i love you means i am prepared to free fall… but never prepared to land. i love you means i will never intentionally inflict pain upon you… but if for some reason i ever do.. i will hurt with you until it is gone. i love you means there will be no one else. i love you means that there never was. i love you means a moment. i love you means a lifetime. i love you isn’t just three simple words… it’s every word i’ve spoken since your eyes met mine. 

 i love you.

-alexander michael deleon

what is your gold?
gold isn’t just a stone and not all gold is heavy. it doesn’t all shine. hell… most gold is not gold at all. gold is the purest form of one’s individual happiness. to some… it is simple. it can be toes in the sand. open road. a song. to others it may be a hand to hold. to me… gold flakes can even be found on a face. in a voice. in hours spent laughing. in hair falling in front of a pair of shy eyes. in the stars. in pair of lips. gold can be an idea. a being. a state of mind. it is anything you make of it. what is value? what makes something valuable? is it demand? is it based on how rare or pure it is? or is it just how major of a roll it plays in your happiness and/or well being? how can love truly ever be measured? whatever it is… the most precious things found in the world… the things that are worth the most… are not worth selling and are never needed to be bought. they just need to be found. the value is found in the soul. it is not transferrable. never sell the even smallest pieces of your soul. if it brings you light. if it brings you love. hold onto it. it is no one else’s to hold. no one else can tell how much your gold weighs. hold on to whatever it is. tightly. by saying “hold on”… i don’t mean hide it in a safe. gold should not be locked up in a steel cage. it should not be hidden. gold should be held and felt by our bare hands. it should be seen with our own eyes. it should be constantly touched. by holding what we value in our hands… we can feel the texture. the weight. we can make sure that it’s there. gold isn’t always found early on in life. it can take someone many moons to find what they are looking for. sometimes it stands in front of your eyes just once. sometimes it lingers. we can never be sure. however… one thing IS for sure. if it’s there… if it’s right in front of you… you better take it. it won’t be there forever. don’t let it blind you. don’t let anyone else have a chance at it. what are you afraid of? losing it after you find it? just because it is worth substantial amounts… doesn’t mean you should worry about losing it. if you don’t let it go… it can’t be lost. keep that grip. it’s better to have something pure and heavy for a split moment… than to never feel it at all. as humans… the worst thing we can ever do is deny ourselves happiness. how do you measure gold? your heart. not by time.. not by business.. but by happiness. by love. our mind’s are calculators. you can put numbers in them. you can type amounts and weights in. but even the most powerful of minds and calculators will never be able to tell you what is truly right for you and what is going to take you to paradise. love can’t be calculated. only felt. it’s the heart that is the universe’s most underrated scale. if it weighs heavy on your heart.. if it makes you feel.. if it makes you fight… you need to never let it go. stop putting in numbers and thinking in dimes. you are wasting more than just your time. don’t let something or someone that is dear to you fall into someone else’s pocket. that gold… that happiness.. that opportunity is yours. you deserve it. it is yours to keep forever. have you found gold? i can honestly say that i have. i am one of the lucky ones. i may be just a pile of bones… but those bones can one day lay to rest knowing i have found something worth laying to rest for. i have felt it. i have sang to it. i have leaned on her shoulder and whispered into her ear. you’re going to have to detach my hands and arms from my body before you ever see me let my gold go. i’d rather hold gold in my hands with the possibility of it being rough and scratching me… than hold any other smooth, safe stone in these hands. it is mine. let it be yours. it is in my sky. it is under my skin. it is under her eyes. and it is in every deep breath that i take. i hope to be someone’s gold someday. just know that not all of us shine… but we all have worth. we all are gold in ways that we can’t yet see or feel… and in due time we will all find a piece of our own. when you do… just promise me that you’ll wear it proudly and loudly. it belongs to no one else. don’t let me go.
find your gold.
-alexander michael deleon

what is your gold?

gold isn’t just a stone and not all gold is heavy. it doesn’t all shine. hell… most gold is not gold at all. gold is the purest form of one’s individual happiness. to some… it is simple. it can be toes in the sand. open road. a song. to others it may be a hand to hold. to me… gold flakes can even be found on a face. in a voice. in hours spent laughing. in hair falling in front of a pair of shy eyes. in the stars. in pair of lips. gold can be an idea. a being. a state of mind. it is anything you make of it. what is value? what makes something valuable? is it demand? is it based on how rare or pure it is? or is it just how major of a roll it plays in your happiness and/or well being? how can love truly ever be measured? whatever it is… the most precious things found in the world… the things that are worth the most… are not worth selling and are never needed to be bought. they just need to be found. the value is found in the soul. it is not transferrable. never sell the even smallest pieces of your soul. if it brings you light. if it brings you love. hold onto it. it is no one else’s to hold. no one else can tell how much your gold weighs. hold on to whatever it is. tightly. by saying “hold on”… i don’t mean hide it in a safe. gold should not be locked up in a steel cage. it should not be hidden. gold should be held and felt by our bare hands. it should be seen with our own eyes. it should be constantly touched. by holding what we value in our hands… we can feel the texture. the weight. we can make sure that it’s there. gold isn’t always found early on in life. it can take someone many moons to find what they are looking for. sometimes it stands in front of your eyes just once. sometimes it lingers. we can never be sure. however… one thing IS for sure. if it’s there… if it’s right in front of you… you better take it. it won’t be there forever. don’t let it blind you. don’t let anyone else have a chance at it. what are you afraid of? losing it after you find it? just because it is worth substantial amounts… doesn’t mean you should worry about losing it. if you don’t let it go… it can’t be lost. keep that grip. it’s better to have something pure and heavy for a split moment… than to never feel it at all. as humans… the worst thing we can ever do is deny ourselves happiness. how do you measure gold? your heart. not by time.. not by business.. but by happiness. by love. our mind’s are calculators. you can put numbers in them. you can type amounts and weights in. but even the most powerful of minds and calculators will never be able to tell you what is truly right for you and what is going to take you to paradise. love can’t be calculated. only felt. it’s the heart that is the universe’s most underrated scale. if it weighs heavy on your heart.. if it makes you feel.. if it makes you fight… you need to never let it go. stop putting in numbers and thinking in dimes. you are wasting more than just your time. don’t let something or someone that is dear to you fall into someone else’s pocket. that gold… that happiness.. that opportunity is yours. you deserve it. it is yours to keep forever. have you found gold? i can honestly say that i have. i am one of the lucky ones. i may be just a pile of bones… but those bones can one day lay to rest knowing i have found something worth laying to rest for. i have felt it. i have sang to it. i have leaned on her shoulder and whispered into her ear. you’re going to have to detach my hands and arms from my body before you ever see me let my gold go. i’d rather hold gold in my hands with the possibility of it being rough and scratching me… than hold any other smooth, safe stone in these hands. it is mine. let it be yours. it is in my sky. it is under my skin. it is under her eyes. and it is in every deep breath that i take. i hope to be someone’s gold someday. just know that not all of us shine… but we all have worth. we all are gold in ways that we can’t yet see or feel… and in due time we will all find a piece of our own. when you do… just promise me that you’ll wear it proudly and loudly. it belongs to no one else. don’t let me go.

find your gold.

-alexander michael deleon